Adieu Mr. Editor

So the chapter has come to an end for Mr. Editor. It was very quick and out of the blue, but for the best. Let me share the details.

We had being seeing each other quite often, I'd say about once week, and to be honest, I wasn't too sure how I still felt about the whole thing. I began to have a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought of him and the situation. I think that is a good clue that I wasn't into it anymore. At the same time I felt conflicted, and when I would get some alcohol into my system I became very randy and he was so available. I knew because I was denying feelings for him, it made me not like him as much, but I really wanted to give this whole casual thing a chance.

I should have just ended it when I started to see red flags pop up, but I didn't. So this past Wednesday night is where this story comes to an end. We were texting throughout day. We never had definite plans to get together that night, but we usually never do, so I was expecting I would meet up with him in the city and then we would go back to Brooklyn together to his place. So back and forth we texted until he stopped. I texted him, no answer. I called him, no answer. I sent one more text message that said "Really?" He finally responded shortly after that telling me he had gone to Brooklyn, he was tired, and oh yeah...that I shouldn't be interested in him. WHAT THE HELL! Who does that? A man that is sixteen years older than I am basically ends whatever it was we were doing over a text message? This is a man who has two little girls. I thought that when men had children, especially little girls, they were suppose to think differently about women. The thought that, "would I want my girls to go through this?" is suppose to come up in their head. I guess not! He then proceeded to tell me he had nothing to give me and that he was sorry. Um...excuse me...did I ever ask him for anything??? I don't believe I did. In fact I was so easy and cool with the whole thing I never even demanded he come to my apartment all the way on the UES because I knew it would be difficult for him in the morning.

What kind of man in his right mind would give up the opportunity to sleep with a beautiful, intelligent, no strings attached, young, BEAUTIFUL, woman? The only answer is he is not in his right mind...he is just an asshole. I do believe men can come back from this, but it is very hard, and it is all their doing. Unfortunately women do not have the power to bring a man back from asshole. We can only be the motivation. I was a big girl, even though I didn't want to be. I told him he was a good man and that I hope he realizes that one day. I then told him, just do me a favor and don't date, or have something casual with anyone else until he figures that out. I would hate for someone else from my lovely gender to fall victim to a man with the case of the asshole.

I did walk away with some lessons on this whole ordeal. One: don't have sex with a man that only wants something casual. Maybe it is for you, but I have been through this once before and now both times been rejected when I was the perfectly normal one. It is just not a good feeling to me so I'm not doing it anymore! Two: Men who are still married and only separated, with no intentions of getting a divorce anytime soon, are really messy! My life is complicated enough, I don't need anymore. Lastly, Three: I am a great catch! This might just be me who thinks this, but I am quite a woman with a ton of potential. I am confident, charming, beautiful, and poised at a tender age of 20. I have the whole world and all it's potential in front of me. I already have a grasp on the art of older men, and that scares them. This is ok for now because I know I am a bit to handle. I'll wait for the right man who is smart enough to figure me out. Until then I have to keep getting out there and try my best to understand what this whole thing is about.

If this sounds like you too, don't give up! It's only a matter of time and until then you can continue being your single, fabulous, self. Take this time to date and figure out what you really want in a man. It will only help in your discovery of mister right.

Mixed Feelings...

I'm in an interesting place right now. I finally had sex with Mr. Editor, but something is off. I'm trying to do the whole casual sex thing, but in doing so it makes me not like him as much, which makes me less attracted to him. I'm not too sure I can separate my feelings from sex with him because it's making me not interested. When I do think of him more romantically I feel different, but I'm trying not to because I don't want my feelings to get hurt.

I know what he told me and I'm trying to keep that in mind. Still my mind begins to wonder and I start to think of the little things that he does are special for me. He holds me all night, I don't know how it is comfortable for either one of us but it is, and I lay there in his arms, entwined in his legs, all night. Anytime he sends me a little text message out of the blue I take it as a bigger gesture than it really is. I know that a stupid goodnight text message is no big deal, but when you aren't getting anything else from that person you appreciate the attention too much.

I know my own rules, but I have a hard time following them. Maybe I just can't do this with him? I'm not going to declare any decision at this moment because I am certain it will be different tomorrow. I'm a little blue in the art of older men tonight. I even had an older man than Mr. Editor take a look at me tonight, but he didn't do anything about it. He kept looking at me and I smiled at him, but no gesture. Possibly he thought himself too old for me. I know when a man is interested and he definitely was. Sitting at the bar in the dimly lite burger place, glancing over any chance he got. It was cute really. Still he didn't make any grand moves which was a bit disappointing. I could use a new man to fancy me. Oh well, I hope things begin to pick up in the category of older men and my color will hopefully change to a steamy red. If you learn anything from this, don't let them bring you down. Even if you are, play it off as if you are fine and try to manipulate the situation. Talking too soon makes it messy and nothing is really resolved. My game plan is to back off for a while and I think he will come around. If not then it's not worth it. It's hard to keep the happy medium, but it's the only way to play the game.