So if you haven't figured out already I am a college student residing in New York City. I love this city more than anything at this point and any guy I meet is held up to the same standards that I have for it. I feel living in this city encourages dating older men. It is actually pretty hard to find men closer in age to me that live here and are not gay. The city is old and in it, it houses some old souls. There is a maturity that you need to survive here and I find boys in there early 20's really aren't cut out for it yet. My friends and I however have seemed to get by so far and each day it embraces me a little more.
Today in one of my classes we were talking about the Pheadrus by Plato. I found it very relevant what the topic was about in relation to my life and this blog. Not to get into too many philosophical details, but basically Plato is writing about ideals of possessive love through different speeches that are recited. An older man is searching for a younger, vulnerable man to take advantage of. We came to the idea that in today's world that situation can go both ways, but when the situation is reversed and it is the younger person reaching out to the older person, example Anna Nicole Smith marring that old guy, it is usually for financial reasons. Although this is true in a lot of cases I wanted to be clear that this is not what my motives are. I like older men because yes they can take me out and treat me to things younger men can't, but along with that I seem to click with them better. It is so much more than nice dinners and events. Very few younger men at this point in my life are able to stimulate me in the same ways older men can.
For example the first man I will talk about, that got me started, was Mr. Apricot. For confidentiality I will call all of these men I write about a nick name as to not embarrass them if they ever read this. Anyways, Mr. Apricot is 12 years older than I am. He is a Marketing Stratagist and is doing very well for himself at the age he is. Mr. Apricot and I first got together New Year's Eve of this year 2011. The first time we met though was at a social networking party sometime in October of 2010. Since New Year's we saw a lot of each other especially for NY standards. At least once a week there was a dinner date followed by a sleepover, then breakfast the next morning. Mr. Apricot even invited me to Las Vegas with him only a few weeks after we hooked up New Year's Eve, but being the rational being that I am I politely declined.
At first everything was pretty great with this guy. Nice dinners and champagne back at his place afterwards followed by long chats and then to bed. This guy really seemed to be interested in me and I actually started getting mixed feelings about him. I went back and forth many times with myself as to if I really liked this guy or if I just liked what he was offering me. He had an arrogance about him that I liked, hence the name Mr. Apricot. He got his name because the night he came home from Vegas he took me to a wine bar, where he ordered several different wines for tasting and apricots for palate cleansing. Now if you saw how arrogant he was being and chauvinistic while eating a freaking apricot you would call him the same thing. Anyways like I said at first he was great and I decided I really did like him.
Maybe a month and a half in to dating him I told him I wanted to get a little more serious and be his girlfriend. He wasn't really responsive to this at all and in fact warned me about getting mixed up with a guy like him. I may be young but I'm not stupid...when someone tells you something like that it means they just aren't into you. After that I still continued to see him but all of his effort that he had been putting into me was gone. Nice evenings with passionate nights turned into lazy evenings in with so so sex. I began to feel like a booty call and was tired of it. There was no romance or effort.
The whole affair sort of fizzled out. I stopped responding to his text messages and he didn't really make any efforts to get me back. The tricky part of it all though is that him and I are somewhat in the same circle of friends, so I knew it wouldn't be the last of him. I figured we would run into each other at a party but surprisingly it was in front of his apartment.
One night I was out with a friend and I realized we were in his neighborhood. Being drunk, silly, girls I went to ding dong ditch him. The problem was though he was outside getting into his apartment. He invited us up for champagne and well...we started seeing each other again. This time however it did not last as long and when an invite went around to stay at his Hampton's house over 4th of July and I wasn't invited, I dropped him like a hat.
This is what I mean about older men that you have to be careful about. Mr. Apricot is a prime example of both facts/rules that I have. When you sleep with a man older than you that means nothing to him. I didn't sleep with him the second time around and I thought I would land myself a spot in his Hampton's house that weekend. He was obviously not in the mood for my games and instead decided to see what would be out in the Hampton's instead. I learned my lesson from the first time around with him. I didn't enjoy feeling like a booty call and I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of screwing me anymore. The second time only validated my suspicions even more and I'm glad I never went there with him again.
After all of this with him I still hear from him every once in a while. Like I said we have mutual friends and about two weeks ago Friday was a birthday party that one of our friends had. Mr. Apricot was suppose to come but he didn't show. Some of our friends still think that we hang out together and asked me to find out where he was. Since then I have gotten a few texts from him, one in fact telling me that he was again in Vegas and was thinking of me. This I found so funny and didn't care about. Finally I know now that I have been broken from his spell and I know there are better guys out there for me.
Mr. Apricot wasn't all bad. He is a nice guy on a surface level and we will probably remain somewhat friends. This affair taught me a lot about what I want right now and what I can handle on an emotional level. It taught me a lot about the art of older men and to that I want to thank Mr. Apricot for the time we spent together.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Ins and Outs...
Older men are a curious kind to us younger females trying to find ourselves in this new, exciting, and scary world. They offer many things that seem great and even helpful to our well being. All of this is just the allure that they display to suck us in and then spit us out leaving us frustrated, disappointed, and a bit more cynical. Why do you think they come after us in the first place? Women their age have already been through this with the generation above them and are completely jaded. Now the important thing isn't to be afraid of older men it is to understand them and how they work. Once you know and understand the kind it is easier to manipulate the situation and feel more empowered after the ordeal is all said and done. There really is an art to this and in mastering it feelings won't be so hurt and life will go on. To start I would like to list two facts:
Fact #1:
Older men only want to sleep with you.
Now I know this is kind of harsh, but let's be realistic. Most likely if you are anything like me you are a beautiful, yes beautiful, college student who throws caution to the wind and wants to have a good time. Now we all can have a good time...but to have a great time involves knowing the right people and money. This is something older men have, they know they have, and will use to allure you in. Let them use this allure, just never sleep with them unless you never want to see them again, or are ok being a booty call. The minuet you sleep with them your power is gone and all power lies in their hands.
Fact #2 :
They don't see you as a potential life partner.
Once again this leads back to sex. These men will say and do anything to get you in bed. One of these things that is very common and appealing is leading you on to what could be a potential relationship. They are only trying to gain your trust so you will sleep with them. It may be intentional, it may not be. They could really think that this is something that they want, but as soon as you sleep with them the spell is broken and light is shown on what is front of them. Girls can be very mature. I myself come off much older than I really am which is deceiving at first, but I know there are still things that I have to learn and react differently to than a woman 10 years older than me would. Sex, in my experience, has brought out the ugly and older men don't have time for our nonsense. Like I said before, having sex isn't the end all, it could be a great time! Just be prepared for the aftershock and don't feel bad when it doesn't go the way we all hope it does.
I hope my harshness hasn't scared you off yet! Both of these facts in my experience are true, but there are always exceptions. I believe in never thinking you are the exception though until way down the road and it all seems to be working out. For example, my friend Anna has just started dating a guy who is 11 years older than us. This man we all met almost a year ago, Halloween. He has tried this whole year to get her to go on a date with him, and it wasn't until this last week, before she had just left to go to Paris abroad for the semester, that she finally gave in and went out with him. This man, so far, seems to be the exception and will keep you posted as time goes on.
Being the exception is a great thing but not being the exception can be great as well. I have learned so much about dating and patience in these last two years than I ever had so far. Older men are a lot of fun, and I have had some great times I wouldn't have had otherwise without giving them a try. Older men have connections and can introduce you to great people and things. Take advantage of this! Being a date is great for them because they have a hott little number to their side and great for you because you meet so many people that can help you in the future. Older men also like to stick around a little longer than younger men. They have learned patience and are willing to go the extra mile. If you hold out on sex long enough this can be very beneficial and possibly make them actually like you for the intelligent woman you are. The ones who aren't willing to wait around were the bad eggs anyway and at least you got some free meals out of the deal.
Throughout this blog I will share my experiences with older men that I date, and also live with....I live with a single older man as well, which has given me even more perspective into the mind of these suave stallions. I hope with sharing my experiences others can learn some things and share in the common interest of the art of older men.
Fact #1:
Older men only want to sleep with you.
Now I know this is kind of harsh, but let's be realistic. Most likely if you are anything like me you are a beautiful, yes beautiful, college student who throws caution to the wind and wants to have a good time. Now we all can have a good time...but to have a great time involves knowing the right people and money. This is something older men have, they know they have, and will use to allure you in. Let them use this allure, just never sleep with them unless you never want to see them again, or are ok being a booty call. The minuet you sleep with them your power is gone and all power lies in their hands.
Fact #2 :
They don't see you as a potential life partner.
Once again this leads back to sex. These men will say and do anything to get you in bed. One of these things that is very common and appealing is leading you on to what could be a potential relationship. They are only trying to gain your trust so you will sleep with them. It may be intentional, it may not be. They could really think that this is something that they want, but as soon as you sleep with them the spell is broken and light is shown on what is front of them. Girls can be very mature. I myself come off much older than I really am which is deceiving at first, but I know there are still things that I have to learn and react differently to than a woman 10 years older than me would. Sex, in my experience, has brought out the ugly and older men don't have time for our nonsense. Like I said before, having sex isn't the end all, it could be a great time! Just be prepared for the aftershock and don't feel bad when it doesn't go the way we all hope it does.
I hope my harshness hasn't scared you off yet! Both of these facts in my experience are true, but there are always exceptions. I believe in never thinking you are the exception though until way down the road and it all seems to be working out. For example, my friend Anna has just started dating a guy who is 11 years older than us. This man we all met almost a year ago, Halloween. He has tried this whole year to get her to go on a date with him, and it wasn't until this last week, before she had just left to go to Paris abroad for the semester, that she finally gave in and went out with him. This man, so far, seems to be the exception and will keep you posted as time goes on.
Being the exception is a great thing but not being the exception can be great as well. I have learned so much about dating and patience in these last two years than I ever had so far. Older men are a lot of fun, and I have had some great times I wouldn't have had otherwise without giving them a try. Older men have connections and can introduce you to great people and things. Take advantage of this! Being a date is great for them because they have a hott little number to their side and great for you because you meet so many people that can help you in the future. Older men also like to stick around a little longer than younger men. They have learned patience and are willing to go the extra mile. If you hold out on sex long enough this can be very beneficial and possibly make them actually like you for the intelligent woman you are. The ones who aren't willing to wait around were the bad eggs anyway and at least you got some free meals out of the deal.
Throughout this blog I will share my experiences with older men that I date, and also live with....I live with a single older man as well, which has given me even more perspective into the mind of these suave stallions. I hope with sharing my experiences others can learn some things and share in the common interest of the art of older men.
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