Adieu Mr. Editor

So the chapter has come to an end for Mr. Editor. It was very quick and out of the blue, but for the best. Let me share the details.

We had being seeing each other quite often, I'd say about once week, and to be honest, I wasn't too sure how I still felt about the whole thing. I began to have a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought of him and the situation. I think that is a good clue that I wasn't into it anymore. At the same time I felt conflicted, and when I would get some alcohol into my system I became very randy and he was so available. I knew because I was denying feelings for him, it made me not like him as much, but I really wanted to give this whole casual thing a chance.

I should have just ended it when I started to see red flags pop up, but I didn't. So this past Wednesday night is where this story comes to an end. We were texting throughout day. We never had definite plans to get together that night, but we usually never do, so I was expecting I would meet up with him in the city and then we would go back to Brooklyn together to his place. So back and forth we texted until he stopped. I texted him, no answer. I called him, no answer. I sent one more text message that said "Really?" He finally responded shortly after that telling me he had gone to Brooklyn, he was tired, and oh yeah...that I shouldn't be interested in him. WHAT THE HELL! Who does that? A man that is sixteen years older than I am basically ends whatever it was we were doing over a text message? This is a man who has two little girls. I thought that when men had children, especially little girls, they were suppose to think differently about women. The thought that, "would I want my girls to go through this?" is suppose to come up in their head. I guess not! He then proceeded to tell me he had nothing to give me and that he was sorry. Um...excuse me...did I ever ask him for anything??? I don't believe I did. In fact I was so easy and cool with the whole thing I never even demanded he come to my apartment all the way on the UES because I knew it would be difficult for him in the morning.

What kind of man in his right mind would give up the opportunity to sleep with a beautiful, intelligent, no strings attached, young, BEAUTIFUL, woman? The only answer is he is not in his right mind...he is just an asshole. I do believe men can come back from this, but it is very hard, and it is all their doing. Unfortunately women do not have the power to bring a man back from asshole. We can only be the motivation. I was a big girl, even though I didn't want to be. I told him he was a good man and that I hope he realizes that one day. I then told him, just do me a favor and don't date, or have something casual with anyone else until he figures that out. I would hate for someone else from my lovely gender to fall victim to a man with the case of the asshole.

I did walk away with some lessons on this whole ordeal. One: don't have sex with a man that only wants something casual. Maybe it is for you, but I have been through this once before and now both times been rejected when I was the perfectly normal one. It is just not a good feeling to me so I'm not doing it anymore! Two: Men who are still married and only separated, with no intentions of getting a divorce anytime soon, are really messy! My life is complicated enough, I don't need anymore. Lastly, Three: I am a great catch! This might just be me who thinks this, but I am quite a woman with a ton of potential. I am confident, charming, beautiful, and poised at a tender age of 20. I have the whole world and all it's potential in front of me. I already have a grasp on the art of older men, and that scares them. This is ok for now because I know I am a bit to handle. I'll wait for the right man who is smart enough to figure me out. Until then I have to keep getting out there and try my best to understand what this whole thing is about.

If this sounds like you too, don't give up! It's only a matter of time and until then you can continue being your single, fabulous, self. Take this time to date and figure out what you really want in a man. It will only help in your discovery of mister right.

Mixed Feelings...

I'm in an interesting place right now. I finally had sex with Mr. Editor, but something is off. I'm trying to do the whole casual sex thing, but in doing so it makes me not like him as much, which makes me less attracted to him. I'm not too sure I can separate my feelings from sex with him because it's making me not interested. When I do think of him more romantically I feel different, but I'm trying not to because I don't want my feelings to get hurt.

I know what he told me and I'm trying to keep that in mind. Still my mind begins to wonder and I start to think of the little things that he does are special for me. He holds me all night, I don't know how it is comfortable for either one of us but it is, and I lay there in his arms, entwined in his legs, all night. Anytime he sends me a little text message out of the blue I take it as a bigger gesture than it really is. I know that a stupid goodnight text message is no big deal, but when you aren't getting anything else from that person you appreciate the attention too much.

I know my own rules, but I have a hard time following them. Maybe I just can't do this with him? I'm not going to declare any decision at this moment because I am certain it will be different tomorrow. I'm a little blue in the art of older men tonight. I even had an older man than Mr. Editor take a look at me tonight, but he didn't do anything about it. He kept looking at me and I smiled at him, but no gesture. Possibly he thought himself too old for me. I know when a man is interested and he definitely was. Sitting at the bar in the dimly lite burger place, glancing over any chance he got. It was cute really. Still he didn't make any grand moves which was a bit disappointing. I could use a new man to fancy me. Oh well, I hope things begin to pick up in the category of older men and my color will hopefully change to a steamy red. If you learn anything from this, don't let them bring you down. Even if you are, play it off as if you are fine and try to manipulate the situation. Talking too soon makes it messy and nothing is really resolved. My game plan is to back off for a while and I think he will come around. If not then it's not worth it. It's hard to keep the happy medium, but it's the only way to play the game.

New Revelation!

It's been a little while since I last posted something, but not a lot has happened in the older men category until recently. So Mr. Editor went M.I.A. for a little while, but now he is back. A few weeks ago Wednesday he was guest DJing at a tiny little nothing bar with his old records, which was pretty cool. I was invited so I stopped by to say hey and have a few beers. A few beers then took us to a more private venue where we proceeded to talk about our intentions with each other. Now I knew something was up because I wasn't really hearing much from him,  and well, if I guy is interested, at any age, they do whatever they can to get your attention. I was skeptical because I thought he just wasn't interested, but it turns out he just doesn't want to date. He still wants to see me, and have sex, but not date. As you can imagine this is not what any girl wants to hear initially, and I wasn't sure what to think about it.

Like I mentioned before DO NOT sleep with an older man until there is commitment unless you want to be a booty call. I had to give Mr. Editor credit because at least he isn't playing games, just laid it all on the table, take it or leave it. I have been in a similar situation before so I was a little apprehensive about jumping on this bandwagon. At the same time there is a very strong sexual chemistry between the two of us that doesn't happen ever with me!

He wanted me to go home with him that night, but I was strong enough to say no. I needed time to think about this and figure out what I really want. I enjoy his company and I think the sex would be good. I am also at a point in my life where I am not ready for anything serious and hope I don't meet Mr. Right yet. At the same time I have been through this before and I didn't like the outcome. I say I can separate my feelings, but in the end I can't. I want to date many guys, but I don't have sex with any of them because there isn't a great enough reason to. If Mr. Editor and I made this a regular thing, I could have sex and date whomever I wanted. The issue that might come around though is that I spend too much energy and time on him and don't end up dating other guys, which happened last time.

I have already been over once now. I was too curious I had to test the waters. There has been no sex yet just foreplay, and I am still not too sure what to think about this. I feel that because of what happened last time I know the red flags and can get out before I get too deep. Nothing has clicked with me yet on what to do, so I am going to go with the flow and see what happens. I'm way too curious to not act on my desires. I play by the rules in everything else in my life. I need a little excitement to get me through. Plus, older men think your body is amazing no matter what your insecurities are. I had never thought of that before. Think about women who are older and don't keep up their bodies or have had kids. I am sure a young 20 something body looks like it is airbrushed. It definitely made me feel good when he went on and on about how great my ass was. Anyways, I think I will be learning some new lessons when it comes to the art of older men with this one. I just hope I am able to learn them and be able to walk away unwounded in the end.

I'm just the Intern...

Alright so I didn't think I would be talking about this next man so soon, but he made a mistake and now he is in the blog. Ready for some back story? This next man is an Editor at a magazine. Not a really popular magazine but popular enough that when I was interning at ET/The Insider we interviewed them (that is actually how we met). It was my last day at the internship and I was out on a shoot at this magazine. We are going to call this one Mr. Editor because that is what he is. Mr. Editor was taken by me the moment he saw me. I could see it in his eyes. He even tried striking up a conversation with me...something no one ever does in his position. When I got back to the office I told some of advisers that looked over me at the internship and they persuaded me to add him on facebook. I did not really thinking anything of it and next thing I know I am going out on a rainy Tuesday night to meet this guy.

Our date was pretty casual, an after work drink. We were having great conversation and everything seemed pretty chill. Now here comes the doozy. As we go along in the date I find out he is 16 years older than me, has two kids, and is technically still married. I know, scary territory for someone my age. Surprisingly though this did not scare me at all. Think about it. If he is any half decent man he would never bring me around his kids, and he has been separated for several years. Neither one of us is looking for anything serious, just fun so the kids and being married part really isn't a big deal. Unfortunately though he had to cut the date short because of problems at home and I didn't hear from him for a whole week.

I thought for sure he was scared of me. Thinking what the hell is a man his age doing getting mixed up with someone my age. To my pleasant surprise however, he sent me a facebook message about a week later apologizing for the silence and that we should get together soon. Now we have attempted dates since then and nothing has come through. This is why he is going in the blog so soon. Oh and I forgot to mention he is the one that suggested starting this blog in the first place...I hope he never reads this then!

So last Friday night I tried going to the Electric Room, a swanky new club in the meatpacking district, with a friend. I told you about this in the last blog and how Mr. Apricots showed up. Anyways, Mr. Editor and I were suppose to check it out together, but I got tired of waiting around for him so my friend and I were going to check it out. Well if you remember I did not get in because of the snobby lady with the "list." So I texted Mr. Editor just to make sure he knew I was still alive and that I at least tried to go without him. To make a long story short I ended up texting him something questionable and he took it as I figured he would. Now all of sudden he is interested again and asked me out for last Tuesday night.

 Tuesday comes around and mid day he sends me a text about some excuse with his kid's teacher and some meeting so he can't go out tonight. I really couldn't believe he was using that on me! So I told him it was unfortunate and that we should get together soon. Then he starts going back and forth and ends up asking me to come out to where he lives which is very far out in Brooklyn. I told him I would meet him half way and then he just wanted to rain-check saying he was too tired and would be a lousy date. My question is how would he not be a lousy date if I came to him but would be a lousy date if he had to come to me? Anyways, he is in the hot seat now and only has a chance or two more before I give up.

I am the type who is pretty patient with men but I don't like to be cancelled on all the time. I actually think this guy is pretty cool. I just hope he doesn't mess things up because he is taking advantage of the situation. A lot of guys like to do that because I am so laid back and young. They seem to think I am a call girl or something. Mr. Editor is getting himself in the danger zone and I would hate to have to write him off. I hope he pulls it together soon. This is a lesson that I am painfully learning with the art of older men...they like to think that their time is more important than yours. They establish this early on so it is hard to get mad at them later once you catch on to what they are doing. Always make yourself seem unavailable to a certain extent. It will keep them interested for longer and save you from headaches along the way.

Apricots Anyone?

So if you haven't figured out already I am a college student residing in New York City. I love this city more than anything at this point and any guy I meet is held up to the same standards that I have for it. I feel living in this city encourages dating older men. It is actually pretty hard to find men closer in age to me that live here and are not gay. The city is old and in it, it houses some old souls. There is a maturity that you need to survive here and I find boys in there early 20's really aren't cut out for it yet. My friends and I however have seemed to get by so far and each day it embraces me a little more.

Today in one of my classes we were talking about the Pheadrus by Plato. I found it very relevant what the topic was about in relation to my life and this blog. Not to get into too many philosophical details, but basically Plato is writing about ideals of possessive love through different speeches that are recited. An older man is searching for a younger, vulnerable man to take advantage of. We came to the idea that in today's world that situation can go both ways, but when the situation is reversed and it is the younger person reaching out to the older person, example Anna Nicole Smith marring that old guy, it is usually for financial reasons. Although this is true in a lot of cases I wanted to be clear that this is not what my motives are. I like older men because yes they can take me out and treat me to things younger men can't, but along with that I seem to click with them better. It is so much more than nice dinners and events. Very few younger men at this point in my life are able to stimulate me in the same ways older men can.

For example the first man I will talk about, that got me started, was Mr. Apricot. For confidentiality I will call all of these men I write about a nick name as to not embarrass them if they ever read this. Anyways, Mr. Apricot is 12 years older than I am. He is a Marketing Stratagist and is doing very well for himself at the age he is. Mr. Apricot and I first got together New Year's Eve of this year 2011. The first time we met though was at a social networking party sometime in October of 2010. Since New Year's we saw a lot of each other especially for NY standards. At least once a week there was a dinner date followed by a sleepover, then breakfast the next morning. Mr. Apricot even invited me to Las Vegas with him only a few weeks after we hooked up New Year's Eve, but being the rational being that I am I politely declined.

At first everything was pretty great with this guy. Nice dinners and champagne back at his place afterwards followed by long chats and then to bed. This guy really seemed to be interested in me and I actually started getting mixed feelings about him. I went back and forth many times with myself as to if I really liked this guy or if I just liked what he was offering me. He had an arrogance about him that I liked, hence the name Mr. Apricot. He got his name because the night he came home from Vegas he took me to a wine bar, where he ordered several different wines for tasting and apricots for palate cleansing. Now if you saw how arrogant he was being and chauvinistic while eating a freaking apricot you would call him the same thing. Anyways like I said at first he was great and I decided I really did like him.

Maybe a month and a half in to dating him I told him I wanted to get a little more serious and be his girlfriend. He wasn't really responsive to this at all and in fact warned me about getting mixed up with a guy like him. I may be young but I'm not stupid...when someone tells you something like that it means they just aren't into you. After that I still continued to see him but all of his effort that he had been putting into me was gone. Nice evenings with passionate nights turned into lazy evenings in with so so sex. I began to feel like a booty call and was tired of it. There was no romance or effort.

The whole affair sort of fizzled out. I stopped responding to his text messages and he didn't really make any efforts to get me back. The tricky part of it all though is that him and I are somewhat in the same circle of friends, so I knew it wouldn't be the last of him. I figured we would run into each other at a party but surprisingly it was in front of his apartment.

One night I was out with a friend and I realized we were in his neighborhood. Being drunk, silly, girls I went to ding dong ditch him. The problem was though he was outside getting into his apartment. He invited us up for champagne and well...we started seeing each other again. This time however it did not last as long and when an invite went around to stay at his Hampton's house over 4th of July and I wasn't invited, I dropped him like a hat.

This is what I mean about older men that you have to be careful about. Mr. Apricot is a prime example of both facts/rules that I have. When you sleep with a man older than you that means nothing to him. I didn't sleep with him the second time around and I thought I would land myself a spot in his Hampton's house that weekend. He was obviously not in the mood for my games and instead decided to see what would be out in the Hampton's instead. I learned my lesson from the first time around with him. I didn't enjoy feeling like a booty call and I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of screwing me anymore. The second time only validated my suspicions even more and I'm glad I never went there with him again.

After all of this with him I still hear from him every once in a while. Like I said we have mutual friends and about two weeks ago Friday was  a birthday party that one of our friends had. Mr. Apricot was suppose to come but he didn't show. Some of our friends still think that we hang out together and asked me to find out where he was. Since then I have gotten a few texts from him, one in fact telling me that he was again in Vegas and was thinking of me. This I found so funny and didn't care about. Finally I know now that I have been broken from his spell and I know there are better guys out there for me.

Mr. Apricot wasn't all bad. He is a nice guy on a surface level and we will probably remain somewhat friends. This affair taught me a lot about what I want right now and what I can handle on an emotional level. It taught me a lot about the art of older men and to that I want to thank Mr. Apricot for the time we spent together.

The Ins and Outs...

Older men are a curious kind to us younger females trying to find ourselves in this new, exciting, and scary world. They offer many things that seem great and even helpful to our well being. All of this is just the allure that they display to suck us in and then spit us out leaving us frustrated, disappointed, and a bit more cynical. Why do you think they come after us in the first place? Women their age have already been through this with the generation above them and are completely jaded. Now the important thing isn't to be afraid of older men it is to understand them and how they work. Once you know and understand the kind it is easier to manipulate the situation and feel more empowered after the ordeal is all said and done. There really is an art to this and in mastering it feelings won't be so hurt and life will go on. To start I would like to list two facts:

Fact #1:
Older men only want to sleep with you.

Now I know this is kind of harsh, but let's be realistic. Most likely if you are anything like me you are a beautiful, yes beautiful, college student who throws caution to the wind and wants to have a good time. Now we all can have a good time...but to have a great time involves knowing the right people and money. This is something older men have, they know they have, and will use to allure you in. Let them use this allure, just never sleep with them unless you never want to see them again, or are ok being a booty call. The minuet you sleep with them your power is gone and all power lies in their hands.

Fact #2 :
They don't see you as a potential life partner.

Once again this leads back to sex. These men will say and do anything to get you in bed. One of these things that is very common and appealing is leading you on to what could be a potential relationship. They are only trying to gain your trust so you will sleep with them. It may be intentional, it may not be. They could really think that this is something that they want, but as soon as you sleep with them the spell is broken and light is shown on what is front of them. Girls can be very mature. I myself come off much older than I really am which is deceiving at first, but I know there are still things that I have to learn and react differently to than a woman 10 years older than me would. Sex, in my experience, has brought out the ugly and older men don't have time for our nonsense. Like I said before, having sex isn't the end all, it could be a great time! Just be prepared for the aftershock and don't feel bad when it doesn't go the way we all hope it does.

I hope my harshness hasn't scared you off yet! Both of these facts in my experience are true, but there are always exceptions. I believe in never thinking you are the exception though until way down the road and it all seems to be working out. For example, my friend Anna has just started dating a guy who is 11 years older than us. This man we all met almost a year ago, Halloween. He has tried this whole year to get her to go on a date with him, and it wasn't until this last week, before she had just left to go to Paris abroad for the semester, that she finally gave in and went out with him. This man, so far, seems to be the exception and will keep you posted as time goes on.

 Being the exception is a great thing but not being the exception can be great as well. I have learned so much about dating and patience in these last two years than I ever had so far. Older men are a lot of fun, and I have had some great times I wouldn't have had otherwise without giving them a try. Older men have connections and can introduce you to great people and things. Take advantage of this! Being a date is great for them because they have a hott little number to their side and great for you because you meet so many people that can help you in the future. Older men also like to stick around a little longer than younger men. They have learned patience and are willing to go the extra mile. If you hold out on sex long enough this can be very beneficial and possibly make them actually like you for the intelligent woman you are. The ones who aren't willing to wait around were the bad eggs anyway and at least you got some free meals out of the deal.

Throughout this blog I will share my experiences with older men that I date, and also live with....I live with a single older man as well, which has given me even more perspective into the mind of these suave stallions. I hope with sharing my experiences others can learn some things and share in the common interest of the art of older men.